First Birthday

I've been away a few days....The swine flew into our home and stayed for a few days. Luke was quite sick the first 3 days then these past 2 he was just quiet and sofa happy. Truly, not his true 3rd grade nature. Plus, the rain (not complaining), dampened my spirits further. Have you ever tried to talk yourself out of being depressed? The more I make myself do, the quicker I sink. I might as well give in...but, I sincerely try not to.

Whitney's birthday is coming quickly (this Saturday, the 17Th) and every time I think about it, my heart pounds a little faster. I KNOW it's going to be hard, I KNOW I'm going to cry, because it's the first of the firsts for this year. I've heard it's even harder the second year because you know what to expect....this year I'm just expecting sadness.

Going to Lori's lake house will be a great distraction to a point. All the family, moving in appliances and stuff, then there is the b'day cake. It's also Lori's 49Th b'day the 31st of October so we will be celebrating her birthday also. So....do I put Whitney's name on the cake or just Lori's? I go back and forth.

I'll probably have Whitney's name on the cake...I don't think I can bear a blank space. Blank spaces mean she was never there and she was.....

Grief is always there in my heart. It will be three months on the 18Th and the sadness seems to feel heavier than lighter. I suppose it's because the first couple of months I was so numb and now that I feel more....the ache goes way deep.

But you cannot feel the true depth of sorrow without feeling that true depth of love.

Lately, we share Whitney'isms (not a word).... we all remember different things about her. Her funny stories, how she could never make it to a toilet when sick, how she loved pasta, how she loved her dog Sammy, and how much she loved her little nieces, Zoe & Bella and how they loved her.

Loving and Hurting......you can't have one without the other.

Mother's know this.

No Pain - No Gain

God always shows up and He started early this morning. I had coffee with one of my 'church ladies.' It was a wonderful...get-to-know-you coffee at Starbucks. (I had pumpkin-spice latte non-fat...by the way...yummy) Anyway...the upswing about being in pain is that you are NOT alone. Everyone has pain, issues, wounds, disappointments, stress and we hadn't even got to husbands and children yet! It is impossible to breathe and not experience one of the emotions I listed above. We all need encouragement, we all need a listening ear, a kind word, a geniune smile and we all need prayer. I urge all of you to seek out people who need a hug from someone who really cares that they hurt. My friend has reached out to me as I have traveled this painful road...and I hope that I have heard her heart.

That's what women do...we share our hearts, our lives, and our time....just NOT our food or men.
We draw the line at food and men...Oh, and chocolate....Never, Never chocolate.

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I took Luke for a Orthodontist appt. today...just an evaluation at Lori's office. I LOVE all the girls she works with...Holley, Vicki, Devie...all great gals. They came and supported me and Lori at the funeral home and I was touched to the core. Luke loved going cuz he thinks he's special because he knows all the front office ladies! In fact, while in conference he told one of the ladies that he'd heard we were getting the 'family discount'.....I about flipped out! Another horrified, put my head in a brown bag moment. Do they ever end???

I repeat....DO THEY EVER END???

I didn't think so....

I need a new brown bag...or plastic...maybe I just need to go to plastic.

Work for Cruise!

Busy weekend. My friend Jill Johnson, a Campus Crusade Missionary, came to visit me for a few days. She loved Whitney and was unable to come to the funeral due to a Colorado trip so she came now. Loved having her...it was a treat...not only for me but for Tony, Joel & Luke!

I'm waiting to hear about my new part-time job! I had been praying for something to come along that would distract me...especially during the winter. A great store in Acworth called Cote Soleil sells home furniture and accessories. Tracey, the owner needs a little extra help and asked if I would be interested....

"Absolutely!" I said.

Tony said..."Wonderful, but only if you want to."

Luke said..."Finally... we'll have money to take a Disney Cruise!"

Joel said nothing....he just laughed.

I just LOVE manly support.

And, I love retail. I love customers...I love arranging things...I love possible discounts...it's just in my blood. Plus, my little friend Kim works there to. Yup, we will all be partners in retail crime.

I hinted that my mother-in-law (Clara) would be thrilled that I have a job. She always loves it when I have a job. She loves to make money and wants me to also. Her other daughter-in-law, Sandy has always done well in this area...BUT, I have not had steady work in 9 years. So, therefore, I don't get many kudos from her. However, I can't wait to tell her I'm working in a store...she'll LOVE it and she might love me a little bit more. I just won't tell her it's only 2 or 3 days a week. This will be our little secret...no since spoiling the moment.

Yes sir...with 2 or 3 days a week, I should single-handily pay-off our home and book a Disney Cruise...

I'll let y'all know when we're leaving, maybe if I work steady for 5 years...I should have enough to take that cruise...but by then Luke will be a teenager. Oh well...

By the way...I am in-love with this devo book called Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman (author is a woman)...it is awesome and so ministering to my soul. I highly recommend this for your daily worship.

Oh, and one more thing...I was in a store today admiring (but not buying) a Christmas ornament that was $50 (crazy, huh) and the guy explained that these were from Italy and he hand-picked them out himself. He suggested they would be great for an "ornament exchange party." I laughed (really loud) and said, "No, I don't give those kind of ornaments for parties." This "older" woman came up from behind and said to me, "Well, this is something you would buy for your grandchild...right?"

This use to offend me, however, I could have grandchildren...I just happen to NOT have them now. I'll start my diet again tomorrow....I know it was my jiggly neck that threw her!

Oops! I've been digging around in my home...so consumed with purging that I fall asleep before I blog at night...I'm sure that's NOT my age!

I wanted to share with everyone what 'heart thing' happened to be the other day. It was an especially blue day and I was trying to pray through it...you know..."God, I need an uplift cuz I'm sinking..." kind of prayer. Well, when I got to Luke's school his kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Nelson who is absolutely adorable and only 31 years old, handed Luke a present to share with me. She so wanted me to know how much she loved us and how sorry she was for our loss. After hugs and a tear or two, I drove off. At a stop sign I opened the bag and it was a devo book called..."Streams in the Desert" by L.B. Cowman. The first page I turned to was the scripture, Jeremiah 29:11...For I know the plans I have for you...which was Whitney's favorite verse! Then the bookmark fell out that she bought and it had beautiful Black-Eyed Susan's on it...my all-time favorite flower, just slightly above the Hydrangea. This really lifted my spirits.

But, God was NOT THROUGH! When I got home I pulled close to the mailbox and retrieved the mail. I had a note from June Brown who is this precious woman that was my neighbor growing up. She has sent me several notes letting me know I'm on her heart. Well this note was about her garden. June is a very avid and talented gardener...her backyard is amazing! In her note, she stated that the Lord had laid on her heart to plant memory gardens when someone she knows/loves dies. She planted a flower garden in memory of Whitney! She thought I'd like to come by before frost...while the flowers are still pretty. She plants so that when she works in her garden she remembers to pray for the family. Okay...after Mrs. Nelson (or rather Heather) and then June...I was UPLIFTED and cried tears of knowing that we were loved.

I really like it when God acts so quickly! It's too bad he doesn't always act so fast on each request...but I guess that's why He is God.

P.s....I have a J.O.B....my mother-in-law will be soooo happy! That's for another blog. It's just part-time and in a really cool store. I'm thrilled! I will tell you about it later.

Many blessings....Lisa